Lately, I’ve been absent from my blog. At first, I was just too busy. Then I was changing my layout again and again. Finally, I realized I wanted to stop blogging altogether. I just wanted to quit this after three years and forget about book reviewing. But I don’t.
Last year, I became bored with my blog. The way I posted mostly meme’s, few reviews and not much else became tedious and repetitive…and just not fun. I decided to change that but then I started participating in way too many tours and didn’t read any books for fun, so I took a break. I came back refreshed and ready to start up again, but that lasted only so long before I decided I wasn’t really dedicating as much time to my blog as I wanted to. Finally, I came back but it’s only been about two months and again I am already not blogging again.
What’s going on, really?
After a few days of indecision and wandering around, I came across this post by Trish from Just A YA Girl. She said goodbye to her blog and stepped away from book reviewing for a few months. Now, she seems to be back but with new expectations of what her blog will become. A few days after, I came across Lisa’s post about leaving her blog (Lisa is Busy Nerding) for the summer or until she felt like coming back. Not five minutes had passed before I came across Chloe’s post on her YA Booklover Blog, where she talked about blogging for herself. Again.
And it hit me. That was it. When was it that I stopped blogging for myself?
I love blogs, I have for years. When oodles of books. finally took off and I started posting regularly and gained a few followers, I was thrilled. But after a few years, the reason why I was blogging started to change. Not a whole lot, but enough that I am no longer happy with my blog 🙁
A while back I wrote this post about followers and such. While numbers didn’t matter to me for the longest, in the last few weeks, they did a little. I wanted my numbers to increase. How did this happen? I have no idea. I also spent hours searching for a new look for my blog. I wanted something I could love but would still be good enough for all of you. Of course, you all matter because you read my blog, but why did it become so important what you thought about my thoughts of how my blog looked? I’ve never been one to request ARC’s, honest. I don’t even take advantage of the awesomeness that is NetGalley. But lately I find myself jealous of all the awesome books other bloggers are receiving and reading and reviewing and…why?
Too many questions lead to one conclusion: Either I go back to blogging for me (not for you, the ARC’s, the numbers, etc.) or I let it go. And honestly, I can’t let it go. I love this place too much.
I started blogging because I love writing. Not only do I love writing, but I love reading. Those two + blogging make a perfect combination. I also am an introverted person in real life. I don’t actually have any close friends except my boyfriend. And while he is awesome in many ways, he’s not a reader. Yes, he did read The Hunger Games, but mostly, it was out loud with me. So I don’t have anyone to talk to about books. The book blogging world is the perfect spot for this.
But I also felt obligated to do it a certain way. I feel like I need to read/review as many, if not more, books as others. I feel like I need my blog to look professional and pretty for people to take me seriously. I wanted larger numbers so that people would respect me. I wanted to have the most coveted books so that others would be jealous of me too. But really, honestly, cross my heart and kiss my elbow…I don’t.
All I want is to blog for fun. There, I said it. I don’t want ARC’s. I don’t need thousands of followers. I want to gush about the latest book I read for fun, even if everyone else hated it and it was published a few years ago. I want to write posts where I don’t worry about how professional and snazzy they look and what others might think if I make a spelling or grammar mistake (although I always try not to.) I want to curse, use lots of emoticons to express myself and too many exclamation points. And I will. This is the point of no return.
I’m only going to participate in meme’s when I want to because they are fun sometimes. I will no longer be accepting books for review and I’ve never requested ARC’s anyways, so I’ll only accept them if they are a book I have been dying to read anyways. I will no longer participate in tours. I will be reading books for my book club, but because that’s fun too. I will read for fun again. I will blog when I feel like it and not put a schedule unless I really want to. This is a good change for me. I can already tell.
I would normally apologize for such a long post, but you know what? I’m not sorry. This was meant to be long and if you didn’t want to read it, you didn’t have to. Thanks for sticking around if you did. Talk to you later 🙂